Libertarians need to understand why non-libertarians crave the State

The State exists largely because there's a real demand for it.

Just like there's a real demand for prostitutes and drugs.

There, I said it.

People want the State because they think the state gives them security, and the need for security is one of the most powerfully motivating needs a human has.

People don't really know or have the mental tools to be able to deduce that the State generally does not give them security. They honestly mistake the State's general laziness in its predatory activities — as well as the real rarity of violent crimes, importantly — as positive signs that the state is giving them that security they think they're getting.  In truth, most people are not criminals, and the State generally doesn't want to prey on people in unpopular ways.

But anyone who has had an incident with an agent of the State, and has discovered personally that the State can be very vengeful (and very motivated when it comes to vengeance) knows the actual truth.

Given that most people haven't had that experience, when you tell them "no, the state actually ruins lives" — even when you show them concrete examples! — they look at you like you're crazy.  They look at you like you're crazy because, to them, what you're suggesting implies that you want to strip the security that they think they get from the State.  They literally feel as if you wanted to throw them to rabid wolves.  Do you expect them to react positively to your ideas?

The whole relationship of State subjects and the State is not at all unlike prostitution or drugs!  The junkie thinks he's buying happiness, relaxation, bliss or any other positive emotion; little does he know he's wrecking his brain and body to the point of eternal misery.  The John thinks he's paying for companionship, but he mistakes the warm body (that leaves after counting the bills) for affection and company.  These are all motivated errors of the mind.

If you want to be an effective libertarian, you must understand the minds of the people whose minds you want to change.