How to prepare for being owned by a cat

by Rudd-O published 2009/12/19 23:54:37 GMT+0, last modified 2013-06-26T03:24:33+00:00
...yeah, you don't own your cat. It's the other way around.
  • Poke lots of holes in your curtains. Make sure there are plenty of snags at the top.
  • Leave sand-filled socks laying around in odd locations. Turn out the lights. Get used to bumping into them with your feet. Learn how to fall without injuring yourself or disturbing the sand-filled sock.
  • Get a large beanbag. At random moments when you're reading, eating, resting, or just dozing off, drop said beanbag into your lap or onto whatever you're working on. Try to continue working around said beanbag. When laying in bed, place the beanbag on the most uncomfortable place on your body. Remain motionless for as long as possible. You must not, under any circumstance, disturb the beanbag. If it falls on the floor you lose.
  • If you plan on having an indoors-only cat, step outside, look frantic, and look in every bush, under every car, and up every tree. Do this for an hour. Give up. Go home. Stress out some more.
  • When going to the bathroom, place a googly-eyed doll on the floor so it's staring straight at you. Get used to this. It'll happen a lot.
  • Take lint from the dryer. Shred it. Sprinkle it all over your clothes just as you leave for work. This will prepare you for cat hair.
  • Take a needle. Scratch your hands with it. Get used to ignoring these little scratches.
  • Wad up some hair into tapioca pudding. Warm it up in the microwave. Plop it on the floor. Now step on it with your bare foot. This will prepare you for hairballs.
  • Imagine the worst ever, most depressing thing you can think of. Now imagine someone giving you a big hug, a warm bowl of soup, and a cup of your favorite beverage. This is what it feels like to be loved by a cat.
Poke lots of holes in your curtains. Make sure there are plenty of snags at the top.
That is all.

(plagiarized from cultured_banana_slug)