Assuming we're talking about cheating...

published Aug 01, 2006, last modified Jun 26, 2013

The 10 Steps Required to Forgive Your Partner is possibly the worst kind of advice you might get.


Because the article implies that you want to (and should) continue with your cheating partner.

Let me state the obvious to begin this critique on solid ground: I'm all for forgiveness. Forgiveness lets you breathe easier, and get over problems quicker. From the perspective of the self, it's positive for the forgiver -- never mind the forgivee.

Having said that, the rest of the article, while helpful in letting you cope with your emotions, is a pile of crap.

If you got cheated, no matter the circumstances or the situation, the bottom line (what Doc Love calls the Reality Factor) is that you got cheated. Let me line this up for you:

  • You got shafted.
  • The person you trusted broke the bond of trust.
  • You were lied to.

So, what are the reasons someone would do this to you? Hey, do you think reasons really matter? The answer is no. Words come a dime a dozen. Facts speak for themselves. It follows that facts are all that matter.

So, yes, do forgive the person who harmed you. It's healthy for you. But don't consider taking them back.

  • honest people don't lie
  • people who are into you have no need or want to fool around

Any amount of words that contradict these two simple facts simply cannot stand on their own.

It's a practical matter. You're better off taking your chances with new people, instead of going back to the old, cheating one.

It's also a matter of principle. You wouldn't expect anyone to tolerate your fooling around, so you don't do it. You also don't do it because you're perfectly content with the person you're with. So, why would you choose to tolerate an individual who disregards these principles, when there are way better prospects out there?

So, if you got cheated, but you still choose to both forgive your partner and continue with the relationship (assuming she/he wants to continue with you after she stomped all over your head in the first place), don't come back whining the next time they do it.